omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
