too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
