Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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