i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
