oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
