I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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