I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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