i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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