Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
