hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
