Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
