Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
