bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
