piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
