He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
