I'm so fucking centered right now
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
