You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
