it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
