I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
