how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
