I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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