so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
