1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize