First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She told me I should be a condom model.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
