i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
