just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
