I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We are all done wearing pants today
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
