I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
