Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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