I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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