Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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