apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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