i think my tv is drunk
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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