Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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