What did we do last night that was yellow?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
