I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
