Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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