I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
