seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
