her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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