That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
