I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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