Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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