Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
