We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
