i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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