There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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