I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize