Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
