i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
