Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
