and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize