Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Text me some of your sweat
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
