I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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