apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
