I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We have started to decorate penises.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Enjoy the penises
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
