Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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