My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
