just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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