the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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