If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
