I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He passed out mid-signature
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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