yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The air was thick with penises
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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