I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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