I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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