This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize