I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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