arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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