Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
