So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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