Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
