I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
