My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
