so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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