this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just pee around me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
