Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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