You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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