I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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