Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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