So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
