You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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