great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
