as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
