they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
