I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
