Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
And then he peed in my hair
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
