I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
