so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
