Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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