Have you finally orgasmed yet?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
