we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
