We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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