the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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