we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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