just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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