just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
