I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
