I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
