went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
