It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
