using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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