Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
