I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
