dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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