Say something about gay babies.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize