Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
