return my video game
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
