Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
